It took everything Katie had to keep herself from ducking under the table to see what was crawling around down there, having way more fun than she was. Women, they date me for my money, but have no interest in accepting the real me. Mistaking her gasp as a reaction to him, Gru continued: "Come now, you know who I am. She gasped when she looked down and spotted an eye staring from the darkness. Did he have a cat? Stifled giggling floated from under the table. Something rubbery caressed Katie's ankle. Real shame that everyone on it slowly suffocated to death." "Yes! I was driving across, and thought, lightbulb! I can use my bubble cannon to encase the bridge in a giant sphere, then float it to my secret lair. Something brushed her leg underneath the table. "I hear you stole the Golden Gate Bridge," she said, interrupting him in hopes of drifting to something fun. "Her skirt had ridden up, and she felt the minion's breath against her thighs." He droned on about his cold mother and troubled childhood and precious feelings. Honestly, this supervillain was super disappointing. They made small talk as Katie picked at her meal. "Oh mister Gru, a real date? You're so old fashioned." "I thought we could eat before … getting down to business," said Gru. An expensive-looking meal waited on the table. They entered a luxurious dining room lined with the mounted heads of extinct animals. "You do flatter me," said Gru as he led her inside. His stick legs angled up to a lumpy torso, like somebody had filled a black sock with cottage cheese then swung it around until it bunched in one end. His beady eyes were topped with bushy eyebrows, which were the only hairs on an ovoid head that looked like it had been stomped on. From between them stuck a long, pointed nose. "And how could I resist a swipe right from the world's greatest villain?" said Katie. "I could not resist when your lovely profile repeatedly came up on my Tinder application." "Katie! It is a pleasure," he said in a nonspecific eastern European accent. The world's greatest villain, all the television networks called him. After a final adjustment of her ink-black hair, she knocked.įelatious Gru was immediately recognizable. With her dark lipstick and purple eyeshadow exaggerating her best features, she felt like a sexy cartoon character. Katie stood at the supervillain's door, checking her reflection in the window.
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